| Name | Stu Harwood |
| Nickname(s) | Flange. الشيخ. Mowgli, Sheikh Abu bin Harwood |
| Awards | Where’s Wally? 2015 (elect) |
| Height | Mowglish |
| Weight | Mowglish |
| Position | Up and down, left and right |
| 2014 Appearances | 24 |
| 2014 Goals | 39 |
| 2014 Majors | 9 |
| Brutality Rating | 0.2 |
| Alcohol Liability | 3/10 – normally deserts us to talk to girls and steal their clothes… |
| Biog | Stu was known for his trademark one on one waggle before missing the goal completely. Has fallen out with pretty much every coach we’ve ever had. Now living the dream in Dubai where he was recently refused an alcohol license for looking ‘too muslim’. |
