The night of the Narwhal Massacre

Wednesday 17th May 2017 will forever go down in the chronicles as the worst day in Narwhals history. Yes – worse than ATTJ vomiting in the ladies toilets, worse than Abu bin Harwood coming back from Dubai, definitely worse than not going on tour in 2015 and certainly worse than Gamble dropping 13 pints all over Finchy. It was a massacre of epic proportions. At this moment Green Peace have abandoned protesting oil rigs in the Arctic and are racing towards South Croydon to save all the Narwhals they can…

A crippling and bruising 22-1 loss to Guildford 1’s… not a lot more needs to be said.

May 22nd Stats

For the first time this season our goal difference slips into the negative. Little better, a grand total of 7 narwhals have been found loitering uselessly near Portuguese holiday resorts. As a result of this defeat, the whole team were allocated fluffer. Similarly there was no award for Man of the Match. Reluctantly moment of the match was awarded to Charles “Rob Loveless” King-Tenison for picking up the only goal.

I don’t really want to say anymore as recollecting the game is putting me on the verge of a major wobble… Hopefully we can do a bit better next time…