A Thursday or two ago saw a rag-tag group 10 of Narwhals sacrifice their time to travel to the wastes of East London to play Eastern Otter. Having previously had the joy of trekking to Beacontree and Walthamstowe, Hornchurch was an extra special location, picked for its inaccessibility and uniquely positioned to be close to absolutely no public transport…

October 23rd Stats

Buoyed by a cheeky pre-game nandos, the majority of the team took up the challenge of travelling 400 stops on the district line to somewhere in East London and then take a bus through Romford. Mr Shute enjoyed taking photos of all 17 Wetherspoons pubs… he is now a fan of Romford.

The warm-up to the game started admirably. The unfamiliar Hornchurch facilities were duly christened by the team and John “Punchy” Holah had clearly turned up having had too much Nandos Peri-Peri Fighting Sauce. The gloves were off and he was ready to go. The game also saw the first game of the year for Luke “Tour and Finals only” Penfold”.

We started well, moving into an early 3-1 lead with goals from Bedford and Loveless. That was further built on in the second quarter with a further 3 goals, leaving the score at half time 6-2. Holah, acutely aware he was lagging in the Major King stakes quickly picked up 2 majors before half time. A travesty occurred in the dying minutes of the half when the ball fell kindly to Senor Weeble – the buzzer sounding just moments before the ball could be scooped up and buried into the net… had the ball been made of cake – perhaps I’d have got to it quicker…

The third quarter was a slightly more balanced affair, with 3 goals for both teams. The Narwhals took our foot of the gas (slightly) and perhaps it was those chicken wings making a re-appearance!! The game had lowly descended into a 3 up, 3 back kind of game as we tried to move the opposition into our half for a change. Fearing Holah would over-take him in the stats, Gamble took the opportunity to pick up two majors of his own. With few games left – odds on favourite to claim the Catas-Trophy!!

The Fourth quarter saw a flurry of goals… 20/20 Shute bagged a 4th quarter brace including a delightful flick over the advancing keeper. Bedford bagged another, taking his tally to 6 and ensuring he set a new season record for number of goals. To round off the game, Ed “awesome player” Gamble bagged a long range screamer. Final score 14-9.

This game saw the second triple crown in as many matches, with new boy Luke “RD” Penfold winning all three of our awards. Man of the match was for grabbing two goals and playing like he was in a Cup Final. Moment and Fluffer were “awarded” for the same thing – in honesty, the fluffer more for the joy of having a second triple crown, but still… With the clock ticking down to zero in the 4th, Rob “Woody” Loveless wound up his arm for a high and wide attempt on goal from half-way. As he released the ball, Penfold leapt from the water, graceful like a salmon, and blocked the shot with an outstretched arm. Who said Tour Polo was dead? To hoots of laughter from both sides and with a visibly shell-shocked Loveless, the referee’s blew for full time. The fluffer award did save Bedford from two weeks of Fluffing (after missing a 1-v-1) and also Loveless for some “wayward” passing…

Post match, we went for a beer and then took 3hrs to get home. My car got a lovely tour of inner London and a trip over Tower Bridge. A magical evening…

Until next time – Forza Narwhali!!

You’d like to think that a game which we handsomely won against a Central London first team would be a memorable affair, but I can’t recall a single thing about it. It started like any other game, 16 yays and the very real possibility of me having to ‘select’ a team. Alas, the usual match day drop outs left us with a solid 11 and given the oppo only brought 7, we had a good numerical advantage. From my very sketchy memory the game went something like this:

We win swim off
Our keeper makes a top notch save
Dr Woody hits target and scores (shocker)
Our keeper makes a quality interception
Somebody else scores for us
We score again
And again
And again
Top notch keeping denies the opposition a certain goal
The opposition score through a tremendous shot
Somebody scores for us

6 – 1 to the Narwhals at the end of the first with Dan ‘100 not out’ Bedford picking up 4 alone.

The second quarter went a bit like:

We win swim off
Our keeper makes a top notch save
Dr Woody hits target and scores
Our keeper makes a quality interception
Somebody else scores for us
Dan scores two more
We can’t pass for toffee so Dr Woody takes control and lashes it in from 8m, 3 goals from 3 shots for him, who says a Maccy D’s isn’t good for you?!?!?

11 – 1 to the Narwhals at half time

We won the second half 6 – 0, final score was 17 – 1, nothing really happened, we didn’t even play that well (other than our keeper of course who was top notch.)

Man of the Match went inexplicably to Dan, how the keeper didn’t win it is one of life’s great mystery’s… something for Alex Jones and Infowars to get their teeth into if you ask me. Dan also picked up moment, I don’t recall for what, probably a goal or something equally mundane. He does however round off the Holy Trinity by picking up fluffer for a shocker of a pass to Dr Woody.

On to next week and something more memorable…. (like an updated stats report)

Forza Narwhali!