Noorf vs Saaf London

This week Narwhals were again defeated in the London League, but not without a fight, against a strong Enfield team. The mighty 7 1/2 Narwhals went down 12-7 to the 11 strong Enfield team, with 4 kids, going on Olympians, who proceeded the game with press ups, stretching and Dr Dre beats on (meanwhile Floater was havig a poo)… You’re in South London now boys, not Rio 2016.

With 5 hours until kick off Whitgift kindly informed us we had to start at 9 and not 9.30, so thanks to Gary and Finchy for sorting the oppo and ref, not so much for Tris who turned up at half time, more on that later. A tight first quarter ended 1-1, with some sloppy play from us but decent chasing back to stop the goals. The second half continued to be a little sloppy, ending 7-3 with only Bummage scoring a nice over the top ball and Phil banging in a man up but Enflield getting 6 goals mainly from us losing posession and them breaking away.

Not having got the message about the early start (even though everyone else did), Tris arrived at half time to take the numbers to 8. This inspired a come back with a 2-1 win in the 3rd to take the score to 8-5, and a cracking start to the 4th to get the score back to 8-7. As the final score suggests, we then ran out of steam and their 16 year old Olympians showed up our fitness as they broke constantly bagging another 5 goals to end the game at 12-7.

MotM this week goes to Shute with another 4 goals to add to his quest for the century. One goal being a lovely flick in from Garys wonderpass, however this was beaten to Moment by Phil “massive 12.5” Richards who won both swim offs in the second half. Gamble eat your heart out. Fluffer goes to Tris, for reasons explained above. Special mention for debutant Tadija “Pendold” “Tony” Popovic who put in a solid performance, even gettig a major to avoid a Maddy.

Some good play, some bad play. Couple more players and we would have taken them all the way, but in the end fitness and lack of players lost us the game again. Volo ego eram aptus.

Disclaimer: Due to lack of Gamble, the following stats are probably made up.

Shute takes his tally to 60 at the half way stage of the year, Phil strengthens his Champions League Place with another goal, Bummge climbs the table with 2 nicely taken goals. New boy Popovic got stuck in and avoided the Maddy with a major to start his career. Unfortunately the same can’t be said for Young, Heath and Bowen who all had their minds in Portugal.

The good, the bad and the ugly…‏


June 18th Stats

A double header for you today on the stats front – following a disappointing week where we have lost twice.
Monday saw a narrow loss of 10-9 to Avondale II’s. Despite having only 7 players and Lash in goal, we played surprisingly well, winning the 2nd, 3rd and 4th quarters. We were only let down by a poor start to the game. In other news, Stu maddied and we were very disappointed in his performance.
  • Man of the match went to Tim “Pocket Rocket” Young who by all accounts played very well. The culmination of which was a very nicely worked goal with Mr. Shute…
  • Moment of the match went Nick and Tim for said goal. Working it down the right hand side of the pool, they passed back and forth working space before Tim buried the shot. Some lovely counter attacking polo.
  • Fluffer goes to Phil “wasted opportunity” Richards who, with only 5 seconds on the clock, and with the Narwhals only a goal down (on a man-up) decided to blast over from 5m. This is a somewhat harsh award as he had scored 3 goals – and Bummage was a close second for a dreadful lob attempt – but given it could have drawn the game, we really needed that to go in…
Wednesday was the final of the Tom Dwyer Cup. With the Champions League anthem ringing in our ears we decided not to show up. In a performance riddled with errors, we fell to a 16-11 defeat (with a 2 goal head-start). We failed to perform basic tactics and were beaten on the break too many times. At some point someone even threw a ladies ball into the pool……
  • Man of the Match was awarded to Oggy for his efforts in the pit. Collecting 3 goals, he put in a stirling effort against what was a tough Sutton team.
  • Moment of the match goes to Bummage for scoring a goal that no one saw… We all swam back to defend, and whilst we were setting up on our men, the whistle went and a goal was awarded. Burridge swims back to the middle of the pool, everyone is bemused…
  • Despite there being a number of candidates, and I had 2 votes for the whole team, the winner is John “can’t catch” Holah for scoring an own goal. A block forced the ball to land in front of him whilst he gallantly defended the post. He then proceeded to flick the ball into his own net… Sorry John – that’s your first fluff.
In the stats table, things pretty much stay as they are. The top 3 remain untroubled, Chapman might as well give up and despite having played 14 more games than him, I have finally outscored Bedford. Motivation to come back?
Until next time – do some bloody training and learn the tactics.
Forza Narwhali!!

Welcome to Tactics corner with Uncle Weeble…‏

Sunday saw a plucky 8 tackle the traffic of the M25 to play Watford 2’s in the London League. For a while we though we only had 7 players, but it just turned out John “Pre-match Poo” Holah was having a massive dump – he eventually made his way to the pool side…

June 9th Stats

For the first two quarters of this game we played very well, with the score at half-time being 4-4. We then let ourselves down for 4mins in the 3rd and 3mins in the 4th quarter, conceding 12 goals in total. The final score of 16-11 does not do our valiant 8 justice, but given that nearly all 12 goals came from breakaways, it does highlight our need to either train more or ensure we have more than 8 players.

That being said, we all put in a big effort and everyone was shattered at the end. I definitely think that we can give them a very good game when they visit us if we can get an extra 1/2 people along. It is also becoming more and more apparent that we need to start practicing our man-ups and man-downs – so get down to training in numbers!! I expect you all to visit our new spot Tactics corner to refresh your memory!!

  • Man of the Match this week is our first joint award. Both Nick and I got 3 votes each with Phil in a close 2nd. Given the effort we all put in this weekend, I would like to think we are all in some way, man of the match… (Naaaaattt!!) I am sure Sheikh Harwood will offer up some stinky chat about this – I can’t wait…
  • Moment of the Match is awarded to Tim “he does what he wants” Young, who successfully stole the ball and then buried it past the keeper – top shooting!! I notice that no one chose to vote me for winning TWO swim offs this week!! They had to move the halfway mark to stop me winning in the 2nd half!!
  • Fluffer this week goes to Tom “foul mouth” Burridge for his tirade towards the officials. It is hoped that this public name and shame will motivate him to clean up his act. On the other hand, I personally enjoy the running commentary on all the terrible things being done to him… You would never think to retaliate would you Tom…?

In other news, big shout out to Phil Richards with a 3 goal haul – and rectifying his issue of last week by letting us know he was actually in the pool. Matt “Crusher” Finch is steadily racking up his major count in goal – this week rectifying a harsh penalty decision by saving the resulting shot. He is now sitting pretty on a brutality rating of 3.00 alongside John “Bruiser” Holah.

In the stats table as we enter the halfway point in the season, Nick has now broken 50 goals. Will he reach the 100 goal mark? Start placing your bets now!! John is slowly gaining on me to try and get his hands on the Catas Trophy for a 2nd time. He traditionally has a “strong” second half to the season, so only time will tell!! At the bottom of the table, Rob “I’m really busy” Chapman has slipped into the danger zone – and we all await the arrival of Luke “Cup Final” Penfold…

Until next time – Volo ego eram aptus

Forza Narwhali!!

It’s like watching Brazil…

Happy Friday Gents!!

Apologies for the delay in the stats report, I have had a lot on at work – admittedly not as busy as Rob “chained to my desk” Chapman, but enough to slightly delay the publishing of the stats!! Any way, here we go…

June 5th stats

Wednesday showed what a difference a decent pool and Sutton and Cheam coming with a team that better resembled a 2nd team could do. Having lost by 9 goals the last time we played them, we succeeded in getting a big fat “W” on the board with a satisfying 12-11 win. Having lost 5 games on the trot (2 of those to Sutton), it was nice to stop the slide. Onwards and upwards!! Having been 4-1 down after the first quarter, we got our act together, went to a full press and won the 2nd 4-2. What then followed was a game of “anything you can do, we can do better” with a series of flicks, lobs, unprecedented “skills” and some really good goals. For the whole of the 3rd and 4th quarter, there was only 1 goal in it – it was some very exciting polo – at one point I even heard the “crowd” cheer… bloody hell… Throw into the mix some decent man-down defence (again) it was a very good game all round!!
  • Man of the Match went to Nick “Goals Goals Goals” Shute for his 6 goal tally. This is the 3rd week in a row he has won MoM and he is now 2 goals off the half century.
  • Moment of the match went to Tom “Bumaldinio” Bummage for his superb goal – rising from the depths, under immense pressure – to turn his pit defender, flick the ball back over the defenders head, and then lob the stranded Sutton keeper. We didn’t know you had it in you!!
  • Fluffer award went to Phil “no woman no cry” Richards this week for his non-appearance. It seems he let his off-field, extra-marital problems affect his match performance and he recorded a big fat Maddy. He should take a leaf out of Finchy’s book – who has never allowed his Jeremy Kyle worthy private life influence his performance in the pool…
Special mentions also need to go to John “Lycra” Holah who smashed in two goals and to Finchy for allowing us to play some free flowing route one polo with his distribution from goal.
As for the stats chart itself, Nick is still pushing on in his quest for a 3rd Golden Ball (whey) whilst Holah is doing his best to push me all the way for Major King. Matt “Crusher” Finch is closing in on having a leading brutality rating given his preference to give away majors and penalties as a keeper… Shocking!!
See you Sunday for the game vs. Watford!!
Forza Narwhali!!
And as discussed on Wednesday, I am proud to introduce our new Latin club motto: “Volo ego eram aptus” (loosely translated as “I wish I was fit”) – based on the popular phrase: “If only we were fitter” – alternatively “Si tantum nos erant aptus”