The folly of Narwhals

[EDIT – This report was poetically drafted by Gary “Gareeeyyyyyyyyyy” Bowen. Points for working out the source material. A less than convincing display against Penguin… Better luck next time.]

October 16th Stats

London league, London league, / London league was carnal, / All in the pool of Doom Swam the ten Narwhals. / “Forward, the Narwhal team! Charge for the goal!” they said. / Into the pool of Doom Swam the ten Narwhals.

“Forward, the Narwhal team!” / Was there a man dismayed? / Not though the referee knew / Someone had blundered. / Theirs not to make reply, / Theirs not to reason why, / Theirs but to grab a thigh. / Into the pool of Doom Swam the ten Narwhals.

Shots to the right of him, / Shots to the left of him, / Bouncers in front of him / Volleyed and thundered; / Stormed at with polo balls, / But boldly he stayed in goal, / Into the pool of Doom, And to the mouth of hell / Swam the ten Narwhals.

Flashed all their torsos bare, / Flashed as they drew in air / Clinging to the oppo there, / Charging the Penguins, / while All the crowd wondered. / Plunged in the fractious spray. / Right to the goal they play / Narwhals battled Penguins. / Reeling from the tight defence / Shattered but never spent, / Yet again they swim back, / but not all the Narwhals.

Shots to the right of him, / Shots to the left of him, / Bouncers in front of him / Volleyed and thundered; / Stormed at with polo balls, / And one by one each Narwhal falls.

They that had fought so well / Came through the pool of Doom, / Back from the mouth of hell, / All that was left of them, Still went to the pub…….

So did their glory fade? / O the wild charge they made! / All the world wondered. / Honour the effort they made! / Honour the Penguin raid, / Noble ten Narwhals!


[EDIT – sadly we were beaten 25-7 by Penguin. It wasn’t a brilliant game and wasn’t much of a contest, but still some highlights. Loveless brought a fan with him and did his best to show off… duly grabbing 5 goals. For that effort he got man of the match. Moment went to Loveless again for one of his superb shots – not hitting the post this time. Fluffer went to Charles for some dreadful passing. The less said about that the better.

Other positives – Matteo played in his first game for the Narwhals, initiating himself into our growing Italian contingent. A delightful link up with Oggy led to Matteo recording his first assist. Shame we don’t record those… Welcome to the club!! ]

Until next time – Forza Narwhali!!

It was all going to plan, until the last 2 minutes 38 seconds

[EDIT: Due to multitude of reasons, the match reports are again late. Sorry. Here is the first of two reports – game-fully penned by Mr. Blotto von Poo-Shute. The stats will accompany the next report. Recently I have found it much harder to get these up on time… it was all going so well…]

London League vs. Enfield 2’s…

The Narwhals quite literally threw away the win in this game, letting a 2 goal lead slip in with 2 minutes and 38 seconds left on the clock. A real shame considering the rest of the game went pretty swimmingly.

In the first half, the teams went horn to horn, with the score at the end 7-6 to the Narwhals – Holah with a major per quarter as would be expected. Goals from Loveless, Dickinson and Finch, plus 4 from Shute giving them a slender lead.

The third quarter was a tight affair, and the handbags came out with 5 majors, 2 for us and 3 for the visitors including their number 10 being wrapped for calling the ref a C***. Surprisingly Holah avoided anything in this quarter (must have been on the bench). Unsurprisingly both teams only scored 1 a piece despite the man ups. 8-7 to the Narwhals going into the final quarter.

The fourth quarter started well, with Shute grabbing his 6th to put the Narwhals 2 goals up. Goals from Loveless, Finch and Rt Hnr KT, with 3 in reply from the opposition put us 12-10 ahead with 2 minutes and 38 seconds on the clock. This meant, if we used our full 30, they would have to score on both attacks to even draw the game.

But we only need 2 minutes and 38 seconds to grab a shotgun, put it in our mouths and pull the trigger. Some disastrous passing out from the back from Andy “Stones” Winterbotham and Matt “Otamendi” Finch resulted in a pass straight to their attacker who simply swam in and scored. Even more disastrous was Shute had just returned from his exclusion and was completely free on the left… hearing aids needed perhaps?

With 20 seconds left on the clock, Loveless did what was needed and took a foul on half way. Instead of picking up the ball and lobbing it to someone else to hold on for 5 seconds, he decided to have a chat with the ref. This resulted in their attacker simply taking the ball and swimming in to score. 12-12 with 5 seconds remaining.

Face palm. A draw snatched from the grasp of what would have been a good win.

A full car on the long drive down through France and Spain in this game, with Garyyyyyy driving, Oggy navigating and Chrissy Mann napping in the back. Man of the match was shared between Shute and Gamble – for strong attacking and defensive displays respectively. Moment was shared by Rob L and Nick for a delightful lob shot/pass to the back post which was delicately flicked in for a cracker of a goal. Fluffer as shared between Finchy and Rob for essentially losing the game for us… [EDIT: Harsh but fair…]