The Return Leg

Let’s face it, it is what we have all been waiting for… 19 months since the last installment, here it is… the first stats report of 2021!!

Oct 15th stats

Fresh off the back of a home/away double header with Sutton and Cheam, the stats are taking on a familair theme, with messers Shute, Dickenson and Loveless floating to the top on goals, whilst the usual suspects Gamble, Bowen and Holah sit tied at the top of the major rankings with two a piece. Some very exciting stuff!!

Apologies that we lack any MoM, Moment or Fluffer nominations from the home game with Sutton – Mr.Shute was very lax in his writing – but I can report a 13-7 victory highlighted by Rob D’s double hattrick. Lovely stuff.

Wednesday saw us play Sutton at Cheam baths, this time sadly falling to a  16-9 defeat (a narrow 22-23 defeat on aggregate). With a shoe string 7 starting the game, in no way related to us being told the game started at 9pm rather than 8.45pm, we swiftly conceeded 3 goals. Not great to be 3-0 down in the first minute. Even so, we fought valiantly and despite being our own worst enemy at times, it wasnt a terrible display. A bit of work on our shooting and passing and we’ll get better (where have I heard that one before?).

Anyway – the awards – MoM went to Andy W for some excellent one-on-one saves and for saving the team when our “defense” had let us down. Moment went to John Holah for his complete disregard for how we usually play man-up’s, and Fluffer, naturally, went to Matt Finch for not having the right start time. Unjust you say? I can already see everyone’s hands up… sorry.

Until next time – Forza Narwhali!!

18 months ago…

18 months ago your brave Narwhals played a competitive polo game, I cannot recall the score or indeed the result as it was not a particularly note worthy thing, not unusual or strange in any way. Little did we then know that we would all be taking a forced 18 month hiatus from polo, our only competitive sport being ritualistic clapping for the NHS and the 100m loo roll dash. We are however back, fatter and greyer but oh so keen and adorned with some very fetching new stash!

Our first test was away at Putney to play Avondale (so called because they used to play on Avondale Road in Battersea, the author is not aware whether there was a pool there or not). We had a strong 12 (although without “Mr Ironman at the third attempt”) and we were buoyed by the savageness of Gio’s haircut and the fact the he looked like a Cosenza Ultra out for a bit of biff.

The Narhwals took the lead (shockingly, what were we thinking???) with TJ scoring from a well worked man up routine, a mix up in the back let Avondale equalise ten second later though before two very well taken Amy Shute goals gave us a very healthy two goal lead. Amy completed is hattrick with a glorious lob before Avondale got a couple back, the quarter was rounded off by George “new boy” Adam who inexplicably found himself two metres out from goal with the ball passed to him and couldn’t miss. 5 – 3 to the Narwhals at the end of the first quarter, it was looking like the break had done us the world of good… but alas the next two quarters were not quite so spectacular!

We scored first in the second quarter with our returning ‘hero’, Dr Woody, uncharacteristically shooting between the posts rather than directly at them. Avondale then proceeded to score 4 unanswered goals as we struggled to get our shots on target and our defence struggled with their very big no. 7. 7 – 6 to Avondale at half time.

We very much carried on our form from the second quarter in the third quarter, conceding a further three goals without reply and at 10 – 6 down things looked very bleak for our glorious Narwhals, TJ had other ideas though and managed to pull a goal back to make it 10 – 7 to Avondale going into the final quarter.

Amy then took the game by the scruff of the neck, all be it without the accuracy required, missing an easy one on one and a penalty and with three minutes to play and the quarter goalless it was looking like too much to do. TJ and the Cosenza Ultra scored twice in the next 90 seconds to leave us with a goal to get in the last minute or so. Two missed opportunities later and with three second left to play, Amy received the ball on 6m and proceeded to lob the Avondale keeper to draw the game for the Narwhals! Hurrah!! Never has a draw felt more like a victory. All in a good first swim out with some nice goals despite the obvious lack of match sharpness.

Man of the match went to TJ for scoring a hattrick with three shots plus turning up to the right pool at the right time. Honourable mentioned to Amy for his four goals, but the 42 missed shots and penalty counted against him in the final vote.

Amy did win both the moment for his glorious match drawing lob and fluffer for his penalty miss at a crucial time. Honourable shout out to Rob D for a shocking lob and sitting with oppo when we got to the pub.

 Messers Gamble, Young, Dickinson, Holah and Ogg have been closely monitoring Boris’s traffic light scheme and hopped on a short break to the Algarve as soon as Portugal turned amber!

 Until the next time.

 Forza Narwali

(*NB. – Stats will be coming. Something to look forward to… a bumper two game stats haul including a double hattrick from a certain someone…)

Double Vision

[EDIT: Live from Lockdown, this week’s very (very) late report comes curtosy of Mr. “Punchy” Holah. A man who very much started where he left off – disappearing for many months to play guitar, only to return for two games and accumulate three majors. So, so punchy.]

April 24th Stats

A very late report from our double visit to face Blue Marlins at Xcel Walton back in the good ol’ days when we were able to participate in team sports, and society. A report made significantly easier by our impressive effort to match our first poor performance with a carbon copy a mere one week later, even down to last-minute absenteeism. So really what you have here is a one-size fits-all assessment of both matches. It most definitely isn’t simply light on content due to a tardy author who can’t remember anything of significance given it was so long ago, if indeed there was anything notable to write about.

tl:dr: Average for 3 quarters, terrible in the fourth.

Xcel is a difficult pool to play due to its (very) shallow end, and Marlins are quite adept at utilising this home advantage. However, we approached the games by identifying the known threats from our opposition and chose to double the pit or press on the danger men. A tactic that brought dividends for as long as we maintained it and we kept them out whilst the scoreboard slowly ticked over in our favour. However, in the 4th quarter of each game we implemented some very effective pre-emptive social distancing, maintaining a safe 2m from any wandering Marlin. This tactic proved to be extremely effective as, at the time of writing, no Narwhal has suffered from Covid-19. (the lateness of this report can be attributed to this experiment and a need to ensure statistical significance). One Narwhal chose at the last minute not to be present at all and I am pleased to say remains in good health. However, this selfless act from the Narwhals did offer Marlins an open season on our goal. In both games, our final quarter was a disaster: of 16 goals conceded across the two games, 10 were in the final quarter. In the first game, this resulted in a loss; and the second we won but could not overcome a 6-goal handicap, it being a cup game or something.

The most significant item of note from either game is the fluffiest absence witnessed in modern history. Our resident Viscount attained this dubious award, together with a spectacular Maddie, by failing to turn up at the agreed time and place, causing other team members to be late. With no hats. A no-show compounded by his maintenance of radio silence until sometime after the game upon which the excuses were too feeble for vivid recollection, especially as we had finished, left the venue and were in the pub by the time he piped up. For a while all was forgiven when he mentioned something about PPE, but alas this was not a well-forecast mission to equip our heroic front line key workers but transpired he was meticulously deliberating his next pathway through the rigmarole of academia – PPE or finger-painting. Decisions, decisions.

Nominations were few and far between, and of those, some did not refer to either game, but given the similarities of the games, I don’t suppose that matters a great deal. Here is an aggregated summary:

Man of the Match: Oggy and Nick share this accolade

Moment: Chris’ goal, Rob’s 4th quarter back shot (a rare moment of beauty in an otherwise tragic 4th quarter).

Fluffer: Many and various nominations here, including CKT, obviously. But also shared with Ed “I’d expect nothing less” Gamble and Rob (“for his shooting”. So presumably Rob L – no distinction offered). [EDIT: Unacceptably harsh given how useless TJ has been recently]

Of course, due to the current situation with this whole lockdown malarkey, the next match report may be some way off yet as all training and matches remain postponed and we must indulge in solo pursuits like “running”, since swimming, I am told, cannot be done via Zoom.

Stay safe out there, people.

A new golden age of the Narwhal?

[EDIT: This historical gambit has been brought to you by the marketing man himself, Rob Dickinson. The stats combine the last two matches (vs. Eastern Otter & vs. Kingston 2). Enjoy!!]

March 2nd Stats

On the way to the match, this correspondent committed an act of gross incompetence. When asked by fellow member of the public to swap £5 in coins for £5 in cash to help him use the petrol station tire pump, this schmuck happily agreed. Lo and behold, the driver jumped in his car and sped off as soon as he was passed the coins, royally mugged off this contributor, leaving him to the dead of the night.

While it was mildly amusing for the audacity, it is never good to lose ones pub money. But from these embarrassing beginnings; the only way is up.

Once gathered in our Narwhal pod, we collectively mugged off keeno club, Kingston Royals, 13-11.

11 crowns have now been placed on the heads of these valiant cetaceans. Crowns won through powerful swimming, accurate passing and thundering shots. Although smaller than the opposition, we showed our intelligence and dominated play making the most of every opportunity.

Of these 11 kings, these triumphant ring bearers, one king on the night earned himself the triple crown. However, more on that once this writer has allowed himself to verbose for a while.

Following several seasons of glorious mid-table, is this the year that this club climbs back to the top table of lower league regional water polo?

Will this victory usher in a new age of kings? Or will we return back to the days of missed passes and hitting the post? Will heavy be the crown? It is impossible to tell at this point. Perhaps the Narwhal’s story is best seen through the lenses of tonight’s foreshadowed triple crown winner.

Winterbotham had a game few could ever match. Winning MoM for some excellent saves and great passing. In particular a third quarter move, widely praised as the moment of the match, for a tricky, length of the pool arrow to thrusting forward Adrian who popped the shot through the keeper to score.

If that had been the end of the night for AW, this writer could have confidently, loudly and proudly shouted that this win, this glorious win, will be the future blueprint of success. With play this good, Manchester, Lancaster and Pro Rocco are doubtlessly likely to fall on our mighty elongated tooth

However, the simple act of throwing the ball into ones own goal does characterise perhaps why this golden dawn is in question, and may well always be in question.

Racing to a 4-2 lead, Narwhals stayed ahead throughout the game, extending at half time to 7-4. We suffered a mild scare in the third (who tabled that quarter?) but goals from Robert, Rob and Nick crowned the victory in the fourth, winning 13-11.

Interestingly in 1311, fake Scottish and fellow leftie, Robert the Bruce, invaded Northumbria. For this contributor, it will be interesting to watch whether his namesake, Mr Loveless, can continue burning a hole in the net and take Shute’s scoring crown. Or like Robert the Bruce, he will be pulled away to work in an alternative theatre.


Dishonourable mention to the Duke of Limoncello for visiting Stafford via Portugal.

It feels unfair to not praise every player as all 11 deserve the plaudits for the confidence and skill to raise above Kingston’s pathetic skulduggery. However, this isn’t a democracy. Raise it to the roof for Adrian, Matteo, Nick, Ed and Oggy for strong swimming and match play.

Andy W wins MoM, Moment and Fluff.

Back to the gym for the rest of you.

12 Generations of disappointment

[Edit: This week’s post comes courtesy of a now flush Mr. Finch. With his new wealth he hired a ghost writer for this piece…]

The 1st Earl of Kingston was an extremely distinguished gentleman. Not only did he sit in the Irish House of Commons he also held the office of Custos Rotulorum of Roscommon, was a member of the Privy Council of Ireland and was Grand Master of the Grand Lodge of Ireland. He would be turning in his grave if he knew how badly his great … great grandson had let down the glorious Narwhals. In fact all 12 past and present Earls would look upon this heinous deed with a sense of utter disappointment and probable loathing at the future of the baronetcy. What crime could be so bad to cause 250 years of disappointment and dismay, what could our team junior (TJ) have done to upset his ancestors so badly??

Please, ensure you are safely sat down for this part, the author is not responsible for any fainting or accidents that occur when reading about this abhorrent deed.

TJ forgot to give someone the hats for our game against Eastern Otter. I know, horrendous, and on its own a severe disciplinary breach of the infamous Narwhals Code of Conduct, but not only did he leave the Narwhals without hats for a home game, Chris Mann, our stalwart and Master of the Limoncello was forced to wear a canoe polo hat (without ears), which unfortunately made him look absolutely ridiculous. Alas no one was able to record this event to laugh at as evidence but the image will remain with us for a very long time.

The punishment will be severe and will no doubt result in someone having to look after TJ all night etc… etc… (so no change from usual then??).

After the shock of all this, we had a polo game against Easter Otter. We won 18 – 10 but as we were 14 – 4 up at half time, we very much took our foot off the pedal in the second half. The game was notable for Oggy beating up their star player and leaving him with a cut eyebrow and loads of ‘Blood in the Water’ (sounds like a good film title??) – apparently it was accidental not that anybody believed this though.

Notable performance from Dr Loveless who continued his fine ‘PT enhanced’ form with a four goal hall, our current hotshot trophy holder, Mr Shute, also bagged himself four goals as did the author of this piece, including scoring after 15 seconds of the game without the opposition having touched the ball! Gimli picked up two majors for particularly thuggish play whilst Oggy got a very dubious major in the last quarter for ‘accidentally’ smacking someone, one for the dubious major committee I think.

[EDIT – coincidentally we beat Eastern Otter 18-10 away from home too… Consistency!!]

MoM was Dr L for his continued fine form

Moment was Oggy’s brutalisation of the opposition

Fluffer, despite not playing, was of course Rt Hon. Viscount Kingsborough, our very own TJ, who I’m sure has now learned to ensure that our Narwhals are always suitably attired when we go into battle 😊

Forza Narwhali!

2020 Vision – A Perfect Start

So far this year the Narwhals have played two games and won two. The polo has been far from perfect, but the results are what matter. The delights we have in store for you today include the annual “Battle of Arctic” where Narwhal battles Orca for superiority as well as a strong win in Hornchurch versus the Otters of the East.

Feb 7th Stats

The first game of the year was a trip to the end of the Jubilee line, where an initial 7 arrived to play London Orca. We eagerly awaited the arrival of Mr. Loveless, but due to the fact he’d managed to put a patient to sleep a little “too much”, he was running late. Some of us probably had a bit of a Christmas hang-over and we were sluggish to start. Even so, we managed to go in at the half 4-3 up and were helped further by the arrival of the Doctor.

With a fresh pair of legs, we started to pull away from the opposition. A quickly collected hattrick from Loveless later and we emerged victorious – still unbeaten in the Battle of the Arctic!! (12-5)

Man of the Match – Loveless – for three super goals and giving the team the boost we needed
Moment of the Match – Shute – Delightful goal were he flicked the ball back over his shoulder (and the keeper), wrong footing the defense and showboating his way to another goal.
Fluffer – Matt Finch – winning a man-up and them promptly passing the ball straight to a defender. Cheers.

Shout out to Adrian who despite his better judgement played his first game for the club.

Our second game was a trek and a half all the way out to Hornchurch to play Eastern Otter. Seemingly by train, car and air we assembled in the eastern wastes and set about defending ourselves from the constant tirade of punches and kicks being dealt out. Frankly I can’t remember much of the game, but we controlled it pretty well. Despite the lack of stop clock we defended very well and we countered aggressively. Well done to all – except Charles who managed to miss the train from Liverpool Street.

Man of the Match – Rob Loveless – for some great goals (6), and some strong play. This PT training is really paying off!!
Moment of the Match – Andy Winterbotham – great penalty save in the first quarter to swing momentum in our favour!!
Fluffer – Ed Gamble – got the ball on a man-up, waggled it for a long time, didnt shoot, got tackled, opposition countered, goal. Gamble is shit.

Shout out to Rob D for getting the first triple major exclusion of the year (aka Mr. Punchy) and kudos to Charles for not letting the fact he missed the train to the game stop him from catching a flight to Portugal.

Stats wise, Loveless sits pretty at the top – 9 goals and 2 MoM awards – what a hero. Gio is laying down a strong, early marker for “Italian Stallion of the year” and Adrian is getting used to life as a Narwhal. I hope to see more of you at training and at games over the next few weeks!!

Forza Narwhali!!

Three in One

[EDIT – We have three “brief” reports for you here. Stats Master has got a little slack and needs to sort himself out. He has also been distracted by the psychedelic new trunks sported by the Narwhals in their most recent game… only to be outdone by Orca who were debuting their brand new PINK away hats. Nightmare]

November 15th Stats

Crawley – London League – Home – Lost – 17-9

We played Crawley in October. It didn’t go very well. All I have been told is that Matt Finch was awful and everyone else played brilliantly. Kudos to Dr Woody for getting 4 goals. Shame on Punchy Holah for getting 3 majors. Due to a lack of votes, no awards from this game.

London Citizens – Thameside Cup – Away – Victory – 19-14

With the help of a handsome handicap advantage and Charles’ Labour sponsored Tie Pin, the Narwhals powered through into the next round of the Thameside Cup. Probably to play Avondale 2’s who will have a 5 goal head start on us despite beating us every time this season… Not much to say about the game to be honest. The pool was awful, Matteo got to play in a shallow end for the first time since he was 7 and we all went for a Curry afterwards. Man of the Match was Andy Ogg for playing in goal for most of the game and keeping a clean sheet in the 3rd quarter. Moment of the match went to Nick and Dan who spent 2 minutes of the last quarter playing keep ball in the shallow end. Fluffer went to Charles for a reason I cant remember. Probably the tie pin.

London Orca – Thameside League – Home – Victory – 24-6

Narwhals cruised to victory here. Very good job. We tried an innovative substitute plan where nominated individuals shout at you to get out. It was very successful with John Holah being subbed after 30 seconds. Rob Dickinson hogged the goals, Nick did all the assists. Good thing we count those… Man of the Match went to Chris “Kingpin” Mann for his hattrick and for finally putting those hours of being top of the arc to good use. Moment went to Rob Loveless for something I can’t remember and Fluffer went to Charles again for missing an open goal. Pick yourself up TJ!!


As we approach the end of the season, the stats competition is hotting up. Goals has not been in doubt since February, but the Catas Trophy is fully up for grabs. Three players sit on 15 majors, two players sit on 14 majors – it will come down to Brutality Rating. Fluffer seems sown up but there is still time. Messers Gimili and Blotto are considering new awards for the Christmas dinner.

Until next time – Forza Narwhali

The folly of Narwhals

[EDIT – This report was poetically drafted by Gary “Gareeeyyyyyyyyyy” Bowen. Points for working out the source material. A less than convincing display against Penguin… Better luck next time.]

October 16th Stats

London league, London league, / London league was carnal, / All in the pool of Doom Swam the ten Narwhals. / “Forward, the Narwhal team! Charge for the goal!” they said. / Into the pool of Doom Swam the ten Narwhals.

“Forward, the Narwhal team!” / Was there a man dismayed? / Not though the referee knew / Someone had blundered. / Theirs not to make reply, / Theirs not to reason why, / Theirs but to grab a thigh. / Into the pool of Doom Swam the ten Narwhals.

Shots to the right of him, / Shots to the left of him, / Bouncers in front of him / Volleyed and thundered; / Stormed at with polo balls, / But boldly he stayed in goal, / Into the pool of Doom, And to the mouth of hell / Swam the ten Narwhals.

Flashed all their torsos bare, / Flashed as they drew in air / Clinging to the oppo there, / Charging the Penguins, / while All the crowd wondered. / Plunged in the fractious spray. / Right to the goal they play / Narwhals battled Penguins. / Reeling from the tight defence / Shattered but never spent, / Yet again they swim back, / but not all the Narwhals.

Shots to the right of him, / Shots to the left of him, / Bouncers in front of him / Volleyed and thundered; / Stormed at with polo balls, / And one by one each Narwhal falls.

They that had fought so well / Came through the pool of Doom, / Back from the mouth of hell, / All that was left of them, Still went to the pub…….

So did their glory fade? / O the wild charge they made! / All the world wondered. / Honour the effort they made! / Honour the Penguin raid, / Noble ten Narwhals!


[EDIT – sadly we were beaten 25-7 by Penguin. It wasn’t a brilliant game and wasn’t much of a contest, but still some highlights. Loveless brought a fan with him and did his best to show off… duly grabbing 5 goals. For that effort he got man of the match. Moment went to Loveless again for one of his superb shots – not hitting the post this time. Fluffer went to Charles for some dreadful passing. The less said about that the better.

Other positives – Matteo played in his first game for the Narwhals, initiating himself into our growing Italian contingent. A delightful link up with Oggy led to Matteo recording his first assist. Shame we don’t record those… Welcome to the club!! ]

Until next time – Forza Narwhali!!

It was all going to plan, until the last 2 minutes 38 seconds

[EDIT: Due to multitude of reasons, the match reports are again late. Sorry. Here is the first of two reports – game-fully penned by Mr. Blotto von Poo-Shute. The stats will accompany the next report. Recently I have found it much harder to get these up on time… it was all going so well…]

London League vs. Enfield 2’s…

The Narwhals quite literally threw away the win in this game, letting a 2 goal lead slip in with 2 minutes and 38 seconds left on the clock. A real shame considering the rest of the game went pretty swimmingly.

In the first half, the teams went horn to horn, with the score at the end 7-6 to the Narwhals – Holah with a major per quarter as would be expected. Goals from Loveless, Dickinson and Finch, plus 4 from Shute giving them a slender lead.

The third quarter was a tight affair, and the handbags came out with 5 majors, 2 for us and 3 for the visitors including their number 10 being wrapped for calling the ref a C***. Surprisingly Holah avoided anything in this quarter (must have been on the bench). Unsurprisingly both teams only scored 1 a piece despite the man ups. 8-7 to the Narwhals going into the final quarter.

The fourth quarter started well, with Shute grabbing his 6th to put the Narwhals 2 goals up. Goals from Loveless, Finch and Rt Hnr KT, with 3 in reply from the opposition put us 12-10 ahead with 2 minutes and 38 seconds on the clock. This meant, if we used our full 30, they would have to score on both attacks to even draw the game.

But we only need 2 minutes and 38 seconds to grab a shotgun, put it in our mouths and pull the trigger. Some disastrous passing out from the back from Andy “Stones” Winterbotham and Matt “Otamendi” Finch resulted in a pass straight to their attacker who simply swam in and scored. Even more disastrous was Shute had just returned from his exclusion and was completely free on the left… hearing aids needed perhaps?

With 20 seconds left on the clock, Loveless did what was needed and took a foul on half way. Instead of picking up the ball and lobbing it to someone else to hold on for 5 seconds, he decided to have a chat with the ref. This resulted in their attacker simply taking the ball and swimming in to score. 12-12 with 5 seconds remaining.

Face palm. A draw snatched from the grasp of what would have been a good win.

A full car on the long drive down through France and Spain in this game, with Garyyyyyy driving, Oggy navigating and Chrissy Mann napping in the back. Man of the match was shared between Shute and Gamble – for strong attacking and defensive displays respectively. Moment was shared by Rob L and Nick for a delightful lob shot/pass to the back post which was delicately flicked in for a cracker of a goal. Fluffer as shared between Finchy and Rob for essentially losing the game for us… [EDIT: Harsh but fair…]

The proroguing of the Narwhals

[EDIT: Report 2 of 2 from RtHon Charles King-Tenison. Following an exciting few weeks for British Politics, the Narwhals decided to have a far less exciting game vs. Avondale too. Remember, Brexit means Brexit, votes mean goals and that Charles struggles with Cider… Order!! Order!!]

September 15th Stats

Last Wednesday saw a defeat of the Narwhals majority Government in the House of Whitgift, by the Opposition Avondale party. A surprising defeat not relating to the good officiating by the speaker Stuart Marsh. The Narwhal Government was defeated mostly due to poor defending against Avondale’s weak, loopy votes and lapses of individual focus during debates.

There was some good performances – notably the RtHon Member for Dickensington. Having recently crossed the floor from the opposition benches to join the Narwhal’s Government. He successfully won three votes and was unanimously proclaimed Most Valuable Politician on the Narwhal’s benches. The RtHon Member for Dickensington’s performance was fantastic with a high calibre of votes along with a high quantity.

Whereas the usually prolific RtHon Member for Bedford was lacklustre. Normally passing many votes, the RtHon Member for Bedford continuously failed to register votes, walking into both sides of the door frame to get into the voting booth but failing to land any meaningful or accurate votes – especially when considering his usual voting records. Hence the RtHon Member for Bedford only secured two votes but could have possibly gained many more with a little more luck next session. The RtHon Member for Bedford did however avoid getting elected as the Minister for Fluffery as the RtHon Member for Wimblebotham had a poor performance. The RtHon Member for Wimblebotham tried to defend the Narwhal Government against Avondale’s counter arguments but many of the opposition’s votes went straight over his head!

The most entertaining moment in the House of Whitgift was the variety of moments of the Parliamentary Session. A vote was passed by the Minister of Defence, the RtHon PooShute  (nicknamed by the media) ‘Shute first, ask questions later’, was helped over the line by bouncing ideas straight off the head of the RtHon Member for Gambleton.

Some members misbehaved and forced Speaker Marsh to prorogue them. The RtHon Members for Upper Finchly, Bedford and Gambleton all spent time prorogued. Even the Health Minister Loveless was prorogued once. While a world leader, visiting the Parliament over talks on Nuclear Arms deals, was also prorogued. North Korean leader Tim Jong Un randomly wandered into the House of Whitgift and was prorogued twice by the speaker Marsh!

Other members were in attendance but failed to vote a single time without the excuses of being prorogued. The RtHon Member for Lower Finchly, Father of the House, the RtHon Member for Halesbowen; and RtHon member for Kingston – who was believed to have spent all his time trying to get into the House of Lords and forgot about his responsibility to vote in the House of Whitgift.

Overall it was a defeat in the end for the Narwhal Government. However, the next parliamentary session could be more promising if the RtHon Members of Halesbowen, Kingston and Lower Finchly start voting and the RtHon Members for Bedford and Wimblebotham return to their normal voting form.

The “Ay’s to the right” have it. UNLOCK!!