[Edit: This week’s post comes courtesy of a now flush Mr. Finch. With his new wealth he hired a ghost writer for this piece…]
The 1st Earl of Kingston was an extremely distinguished gentleman. Not only did he sit in the Irish House of Commons he also held the office of Custos Rotulorum of Roscommon, was a member of the Privy Council of Ireland and was Grand Master of the Grand Lodge of Ireland. He would be turning in his grave if he knew how badly his great … great grandson had let down the glorious Narwhals. In fact all 12 past and present Earls would look upon this heinous deed with a sense of utter disappointment and probable loathing at the future of the baronetcy. What crime could be so bad to cause 250 years of disappointment and dismay, what could our team junior (TJ) have done to upset his ancestors so badly??
Please, ensure you are safely sat down for this part, the author is not responsible for any fainting or accidents that occur when reading about this abhorrent deed.
TJ forgot to give someone the hats for our game against Eastern Otter. I know, horrendous, and on its own a severe disciplinary breach of the infamous Narwhals Code of Conduct, but not only did he leave the Narwhals without hats for a home game, Chris Mann, our stalwart and Master of the Limoncello was forced to wear a canoe polo hat (without ears), which unfortunately made him look absolutely ridiculous. Alas no one was able to record this event to laugh at as evidence but the image will remain with us for a very long time.
The punishment will be severe and will no doubt result in someone having to look after TJ all night etc… etc… (so no change from usual then??).
After the shock of all this, we had a polo game against Easter Otter. We won 18 – 10 but as we were 14 – 4 up at half time, we very much took our foot off the pedal in the second half. The game was notable for Oggy beating up their star player and leaving him with a cut eyebrow and loads of ‘Blood in the Water’ (sounds like a good film title??) – apparently it was accidental not that anybody believed this though.
Notable performance from Dr Loveless who continued his fine ‘PT enhanced’ form with a four goal hall, our current hotshot trophy holder, Mr Shute, also bagged himself four goals as did the author of this piece, including scoring after 15 seconds of the game without the opposition having touched the ball! Gimli picked up two majors for particularly thuggish play whilst Oggy got a very dubious major in the last quarter for ‘accidentally’ smacking someone, one for the dubious major committee I think.
[EDIT – coincidentally we beat Eastern Otter 18-10 away from home too… Consistency!!]
MoM was Dr L for his continued fine form
Moment was Oggy’s brutalisation of the opposition
Fluffer, despite not playing, was of course Rt Hon. Viscount Kingsborough, our very own TJ, who I’m sure has now learned to ensure that our Narwhals are always suitably attired when we go into battle 😊