A blind man, a drunk and 2 minors went for a swim…

A long overdue match report for a game from the start of July vs Beckenham. A valiant effort saw the Narwhals defeated 13-12 with only 4 able sighted, non-drunk, over the age of 15 men. Nick “no eyes” Shute our guest contributor…

July 31st Stats

Getting my kit together for the game, I went into my bed side table and grabbed my box of contact lenses. It was quickly obvious it was empty. For those of you who don’t know, I cannot see a bloody thing without my glasses, so that was me more useless than normal – but still better than Gimli.

Pulling up to East Croydon, Mr Burridge was promptly waiting, however Mr Finch was certainly not. When he did appear, he quickly jumped in the car and proclaimed “I’m completely fucked!”. Good start.

This left a solid 4 men and 2 lads. Vs Beckenhams 12…

We made a pretty poor start, 3-1 down 1st quarter. But a strong second got us back to 5-5 at half time. For one goal, swimming forward I could just about make out our pit man turn his man and push off. I threw the ball in that general direction, and this hero majestically came out the water, caught and swivelled, and sumptuously lobbed the ball over the keeper into the far corner. Apparently, this hero was Holah! Don’t believe it to this day.

We struggled in the third, going down 5-2. The only highlight was a delightful SPS (shute push shot) – still effective from 2 inches (that’s what she said…). A good final quarter, including a 4th for Hero Holah, a brace for Mr Poo and 1 each for Loveless (was this your beautiful backshot from the right wing after a little wobble on the side over the ref?) and myself saw us get to 12 goals. But 4 goals in the second half for their number 8 who was obviously too good and decided to start playing meant we ended up losing out 13 – 12.

Man of the match this week went to Hero Holah for his 4 goals. Shame it’s rarer than a win for Mellows Park Rangers. Moment was shared between Holah and Shute for their goals. Fluffer went to Matt “shout a lot at the defence, oh he just shot and I was too busy shouting” Finch. Not a single major this week, which means the ref was probably shit. But a goal for all but one sees Finch Jr holidaying on his own this week.

Next up a trip to the Northern Lands. Can Holah maintain this form? Will Burridge make the 500 mile round trip? Will Loveless have another wobble? Can Zach get back from holiday alone?? Find out next time.