The one where Shute got a Maddy and then fiddled the match form….

Waggle.  Waggle. Waggle.

May 27th Stats

This game had a massive whiff of our long lost slightly Arabic “friend” about it, the old waggle, waggle, miss (or save) one on one routine was strong, very strong in this game. It also ended in massive controversy, but more about that later….

Initially our 11 strong side were massively buoyed by the absence from our ranks of Croydon’s finest Enrique Iglesias tribute act, however the fact the Guildford had intentionally rocked up half an hour early to get a good warm up in (and were ejected from the pool for looking like they might ‘interfere’ with the three school kids still in the water!!) was slightly un-nerving. However they were without their Spanish international goal keeper and Calum Bailey so all was not lost!

The first quarter was a cagey affair. We in-excusably let them score twice from one of their players not tracking back, whilst Rob “for the Fans” Loveless scored a good goal from the wing and a tap in from 2m and Dan “definitely not Mr Angry” Bedford was his usual dominant self in the pit. 2 all at the end of the 1st.

The second quarter started as the first had ended Rob having the ball stolen from him on 5 meters and their big no.10 scoring again from 2m. Two well worked Dan goals from the pit put us in the lead for the first time. However, three missed one on ones, one each from Nick “Cheaty Mc Cheat Pants” Shute, Rob and Dan, kept the game tighter than it should have been. At the other end a combination of Gary “He grabbed me” Bowen, John “the new bish bash bosh?” Holah and Simon “Boyzone” Gately had their centre forward wrapped up and floundering… Gary was however guilty of one of the worst passes out of defence you will ever see, thankfully they didn’t score from it! His excuse? “He grabbed me”. 4 – 3 to the Narwhals at half time.

The highlight of the third quarter was Rob yet again pulling out all of the stops to impress his travelling fan(s) and banging a glorious goal in of the post from 6m out. Their offence was well and truly going nowhere and we were now beginning to dominate in most facets of play. Another missed one on one (this time with extra waggle as well) meant that despite being 7 – 4 up at the end of the third quarter, it was still closer than it should have been….

The final quarter was a bit of a damp squib, we started to panic a little, not knowing whether we should press our advantage or sit back and soak up pressure and ended up conceding two quick goals to bring Guildford back to within one. Another good Rob tap in from 2m settled our nerves and saw the game out with an 8 – 6 win for the Narwhals 

It is now that the controversy begins. In the changing rooms, Nick was proudly telling everyone how he had been sent out before his two missed one on ones and therefore he DEFINITELY was not trying to get sent out. We believed him. However in the pub it was revealed that the fiend had doctored the match sheet to show him having been ejected, when in fact he was a face on a poster in the Algarve. Poor show and a crime that I’m sure will receive a fitting punishment when put to the Jury on tour. Not wanting to unduly influence that forum but can I mention two words. Firing. Squad.

A record Portuguese police presence this week with five of our eleven playing hide and seek and two only escaping as they assisted with the table. This weeks Maddy club photo below, Shute is of course hiding his face in shame.

Maddy - 27th May


This week’s Man of the Match went to me, for allegedly “saves, steals and distribution”, sounds like Weebles favourite song really…. Honourable mentions to Rob, John and Dan who all got votes.

Moment was pretty unanimously Rob’s unstoppable shot into the top corner. He’s quite simply not invited anymore unless he brings a spectator.

Fluffer was a mixed bag with four different people all picking up votes, however for his despicable act of match sheet vandalism, Nick takes it.

Forza Narwali!!

Editors note: For the first time since we started collating stats, we have a new member in the Champions League slots – Leicester like in their surge up the table. Congrats Rob “Fans Fans Fans” Loveless for taking 3rd spot from Phil “Floater” Richards and Andy “Slim Fast” Ogg. Can he catch Shute? Only time will tell!!