Three in One

[EDIT – We have three “brief” reports for you here. Stats Master has got a little slack and needs to sort himself out. He has also been distracted by the psychedelic new trunks sported by the Narwhals in their most recent game… only to be outdone by Orca who were debuting their brand new PINK away hats. Nightmare]

November 15th Stats

Crawley – London League – Home – Lost – 17-9

We played Crawley in October. It didn’t go very well. All I have been told is that Matt Finch was awful and everyone else played brilliantly. Kudos to Dr Woody for getting 4 goals. Shame on Punchy Holah for getting 3 majors. Due to a lack of votes, no awards from this game.

London Citizens – Thameside Cup – Away – Victory – 19-14

With the help of a handsome handicap advantage and Charles’ Labour sponsored Tie Pin, the Narwhals powered through into the next round of the Thameside Cup. Probably to play Avondale 2’s who will have a 5 goal head start on us despite beating us every time this season… Not much to say about the game to be honest. The pool was awful, Matteo got to play in a shallow end for the first time since he was 7 and we all went for a Curry afterwards. Man of the Match was Andy Ogg for playing in goal for most of the game and keeping a clean sheet in the 3rd quarter. Moment of the match went to Nick and Dan who spent 2 minutes of the last quarter playing keep ball in the shallow end. Fluffer went to Charles for a reason I cant remember. Probably the tie pin.

London Orca – Thameside League – Home – Victory – 24-6

Narwhals cruised to victory here. Very good job. We tried an innovative substitute plan where nominated individuals shout at you to get out. It was very successful with John Holah being subbed after 30 seconds. Rob Dickinson hogged the goals, Nick did all the assists. Good thing we count those… Man of the Match went to Chris “Kingpin” Mann for his hattrick and for finally putting those hours of being top of the arc to good use. Moment went to Rob Loveless for something I can’t remember and Fluffer went to Charles again for missing an open goal. Pick yourself up TJ!!


As we approach the end of the season, the stats competition is hotting up. Goals has not been in doubt since February, but the Catas Trophy is fully up for grabs. Three players sit on 15 majors, two players sit on 14 majors – it will come down to Brutality Rating. Fluffer seems sown up but there is still time. Messers Gimili and Blotto are considering new awards for the Christmas dinner.

Until next time – Forza Narwhali