You’ve been Lenkied

Hello all,

It’s been fairly quiet on the Stats front – so we have a bumper stats report for you today. Showing stats from our last 3 games – a Win vs. Blue Marlin and two loses – one to Kingston and one against Avondale II’s.

March 10th Stats

There were no awards from the Blue Marlin game as it became a bit of a friendly. All you need to know is that Dan and Nick played for the other side and gave most of us the run around. Their goals and majors still counted though – so an easy couple of goals for them… That being said, they did become the first Narwhals to properly lose this year…

Next up, we have Finchy’s report of the Kingston game – bitterly titled: You’ve been Lenkied… (enjoy!!)


A Narwhals team shorn of its two leading goal scorers but buoyed by the absence of renowned scouse impersonator, Ed ‘Stag’ Gamble, rocked up to Kingston hoping to maintain our winning run. Little did we know that we had been signed up to participate in the water polo version of the “Wheel of Fortune”, the Alex Lenkie Wheel of ******!!****!!.

Having participated in this shit show game show before we knew what to expect and unfortunately we were not to be disappointed.

Lenkie did his usual manicure check and told us he would penalise going over the top and standing, unless it was Kingston he didn’t add.

Our usual strong start saw us concede early before Rob equalised in an uncharacteristic piece of good play, alas it didn’t last and the Lenkie wheel was spun…. attacking reversal…. spin… no foul…. yet again as the decisions got stranger our focus began to slip from the game in hand to trying to understand the enigma wrapped in a shell of ineptitude that is Lenkie. We also didn’t help ourselves by resorting to poor lobs. 3-1 down at the end of the first.

The second quarter saw us attack the deep end and a solid defensive effort saw us restrict them to a single goal. However Oggy was getting pummelled in the pit for no return and Lenkie refused to offer us anything. Charles did manage to squeeze in a shot just before half time to take us to 4 – 2 down at the break.

The third quarter saw us conceded early again but come back strong, helped by a couple of exclusions and a delightful Oggy goal from the pit, 5 – 4 at the end of the third.

The final quarter was such a complete and utter shower of **** that the author is still in therapy for it. Lenkie took control of the game and spun the wheel as often as he could. We lost. It was horrible. Rob excluded himself with a couple of minutes to go, threw down his hat and cried salty tears. The game ended in a 9-5 loss, with Tom “Bournemouth” Burridge scoring our final goal at the death.  Final score 9-5 to Kingston

Mom was shared between Charles for his well taken goal and me for saving three one on ones and remembering how to pass. Fluffer was Floater as I wouldn’t allow the ref to be nominated. Moment of the match was Charles’ shot in the second quarter.

The struggle continues, Forza Narwali!


As for the Avondale game, I cannot say there were many highlights. It was clear from the start we were pretty unfit and hadn’t trained in quite a while. As a result of the fairly poor performance, we did see the first award of MoM to our dear friend RON. Nick won Moment of the Match for being blind and still scoring, whilst Oggy won Fluffer for really really struggling with a one on one.

One positive from the game is that we have a new team member Sam. He nearly wasn’t allowed into the team because he admitted to knowing Lash – but the fact he claims to be an actor, singer and model meant that he had a lot in common with Ed “Hero” Gamble – so we let him stay!! Welcome to the team Sam!!

Hopefully we can pick up a W soon. We have quite a slump in form at the moment, so lets turn it around!!

Forza Narwhali!!!